22 April 2019
Until fairly recently I had considered blogs to be nothing more than puerile self indulgent nonsense. An excuse for the self-obsessed to extend their reach while promoting their own incredible amazingness.
This being the case I have worked hard to distance myself from such types. For some years I have limited the distribution of my own cynical musings to a few well chosen colleagues at work. During lunchtimes obviously. Never during the day when I am gainfully employed.
I have been told many times that I should share my observations with a wider audience and after much agonising I have finally conceded. So here we are. Poacher turned gamekeeper as it were. Blogging. Sounds like something toilet related.
The intention is to post once a week over the weekend. I shall try and share something of interest, however – unlike many blogs I have read – myself and my family are not blessed with exceptional intelligence, lack any creative bent worthy of note and fail to achieve greatness in everything we touch. This is why I have titled this blog site Partial Success as I believe it perfectly sums up our life.
I shall post a link in Facebook each time I add something. Please forward it to anyone you think might find it amusing.
I would also welcome feedback, especially with regard to my use of grammar and use of the English language. Dodgy apostrophes and the incorrect use of the semi colon have always been a weakness.
With reference to ‘feedback’, If I manage to attract a troll they can live at the bottom of our garden. There is a small river down there. I’ll build a bridge especially. It can live under it and we can feed it with buckets of fermenting moral outrage and warm bile every day.
To kick off I’d like to share a conversation I overheard when returning home from Edinburgh on the train last Tuesday afternoon. I was joined by two ladies who were both one step away from the full leisure-wear ensemble, the only concession being matching black woolly cardigans. I suspected these had been supplied by their employer and they were keen to get their moneys worth. I also came to the conclusion they didn’t work in a mirror factory.
A similarly attired friend joined us briefly but decided she would go further up the carriage ‘Cause it’s like, you know, too narrow at this end’. I was unaware trains widened the nearer the front you got, but you live and learn.
They quickly revealed themselves to be both loud and somewhat unintelligent, although at that point I had yet to learn to what degree.
As the train reached the end of the famous Forth bridge it entered a tunnel. As it has done since the line was first opened in 1890.
The conversation next to me went as follows:
Lady 1: Ah dun’t remember that tunnel on the way doon this mornin’! Do you?
Lady 2: Naw neither did I!
Lady 1: [at the top of her voice] Jen. Jen! Wuz that tunnel there on the way doon?
Lady 3: [From the other end of the carriage] . Naw! Deffo!
Lady 1: Must be new then! [Much louder] I said it must be new then!
Lady 2: Aye.
Lady 3: [loudly] Aye
I then saw they all had lanyards that said Dundee City Council.
A question to finish. I have a deep personal loathing of business speak. Using phrases like blue sky thinking and pushing the envelope – I can think of no better reason for the re-introduction of capital punishment.
There are two sentences below. One is real and was once used to me by an ex-colleague. The other is from Drop the Dead Donkey, a comedy gem from channel 4 older readers may remember. I’ll let you guess which is which.
“What a great idea! I’m going to put my arms around it and give it a hug”.
“I have an idea! Let me drop it into your percolator and see if anything brown comes out”.
Murrays Musings 